Please let me know what you think of my script!

[TUDA 78]

Hi there! I'd like some opinions on my script please. Its not quite finished yet but tell me what you think of it so far. And please be honest!

Over black, a dripping tap can be heard.
FADE IN:
INT. HOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT
An extreme close up of a closed eye, slowly it opens up. The camera jumps back to reveal a half naked young man lying in a bath tub.
The bathroom is dimly lit and the door is open slightly. The adjoining hallway is in darkness.
The young man doesn?t know where he is. He looks around and spots an ice box standing next to the bath tub and an old leather bag sitting on the toilet seat. The young man tries to sit up but he is to weak, his hand slips and he falls back into the bath tub.
A phone rings in another room, a woman answers it off screen.
WOMAN (O.S.)
Hello (pause). Yes, it?s all setup (pause). OK.
The woman hangs up the phone.
The young man twists and cranes his neck trying to see through the small gap in the open door.
As the young man lies helpless in the tub he hears footsteps heading towards the bathroom. The door swings open as the woman enters. The young man closes his eyes and lies motionless in the tub.
The woman walks up to a mirror on the wall and starts to apply some make up. She pays no attention to the young man, almost as if he isn?t there.
The young man slowly opens his eyes. He looks at the woman?s reflection in the mirror. An image of the woman flashes on screen for a second, she looks familiar to him.
The woman turns and walks out of the room. The young man lies in the tub thinking. We see the image of the woman flash on screen, followed by an image of her at the mirror. The images flash faster and faster.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR - NIGHT
It is a small dark bar, nearly empty of customers. The young man is sitting at the bar alone. He takes a mouthful from his drink and places his glass on the bar. A woman arrives at the other end of the bar and buys a drink, its the woman from the bathroom. The young man spots her. He watches her for a few seconds then approaches.
YOUNG MAN
Can i buy you a drink?
The woman looks the young man up and down.
WOMAN
Why not just get to the point and say what you really want.
YOUNG MAN
(nervously)
And what exactly would that be?
WOMAN
That you want to sleep with me!
The young man looks around checking who is in earshot, then stares back at the woman unsure what to say.
WOMAN
Well, that is what you want, isn?t it?
YOUNG MAN
Well... Yes.
The woman finishes her drink, gets off her seat and heads towards the door. As she gets about half way she turns to the young man.
WOMAN
Are you coming or not?
The young man glances around the bar once more, finishes his drink and then follows the woman.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The door fills the screen. A key slides into the lock and the door opens. The woman enters the room followed by the young man.
The woman walks over to a drinks cabinet.
WOMAN
You want a drink?
YOUNG MAN
Whatever your having.
She stands with her back to the young man then gets out two glasses and pours the drinks. In one of the drinks she drops two tablets. The young man sits down and stares at the woman as she walks towards him with the drinks.
YOUNG MAN
So do you do this often?
She hands him the drink with the tablets in and smiles as she finishes her drink in one go. The young man does the same. The woman straddles the young man and starts to kiss him. She slowly moves her lips round to his ear and whispers gently.
WOMAN
Night night.
The young man looks at her confused as she starts to laugh. He pushes her off him and jumps to his feet. He tries to get to the door but stumbles as the tablets in his drink take effect. He rubs his eyes and shakes his head. The woman is sitting on the floor where she fell still laughing.
WOMAN
Where you going lover boy!
The young man staggers along using the wall to stay on his feet. As he reaches the door he falls to the floor. The woman gets to her feet and approaches him. He rolls onto his back and falls into unconsciousness as the woman stands over him.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. HOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT
Back in the bathroom the young man has another attempt to get out the tub. He climbs out but is unsteady on his feet. He pokes his head out the door, the woman is no where in sight. The young man, still in the bathroom, gently closes the door.
He looks around and spots the old leather bag sitting on the toilet, he opens it and looks inside. The bag has what look like surgical tools inside. The young man is confused and scared. He takes a scalpel from the bag, as he does he hears a knock on the door to the hotel room.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
The bathroom door slowly opens and the young man steps out. Voices come from the main room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
An older man has now joined the woman in the main room.
OLDER MAN
So where is he?
WOMAN
In the bathroom.
OLDER MAN
Show me!
The woman turns and heads down the hallway toward the bathroom. Suddenly the young man jumps out of the darkness and forces the scalpel to the woman?s throat.
YOUNG MAN
What the fuck is going on, why am i here?
The older man backs down the hallway back into the main room followed by the others.
WOMAN
(scared)
Stay calm no ones going to hurt you!
YOUNG MAN
Then why did you drug me and why all this surgical stuff?
OLDER MAN
(calmly)
Truth is you have something we want!

[Kev Owens]

Apart from some of the dialogue, I don't think it's badly written. My main gripe would be that it's not original, nor does it seem to offer anything new to this type of story.

But you've posted very little of it, post the entire script and then ask for views. The points I've made may be totally wrong, but how do I know if you've only posted part of your script?

[bigmasi]

I think that the readers should feel more of the fear that's slowly taking over in the young mans mind. I wasn't scared and it bothered me...